In a shocking revelation, sources close to the Proud Boys have revealed that the group has been secretly communicating with former President Donald Trump through walkie-talkies. But that's not the most disturbing part - apparently, Trump has been using these walkie-talkies to give orders to the Proud Boys to release a giant drooling monster that will destroy civil rights and our democracy.
According to our sources, the Proud Boys have been training the monster for months in a secret location. The monster, which is said to be over 20 feet tall and covered in thick drool, has been fed a steady diet of hate speech, racism, and misogyny. It has been trained to attack anyone who stands up for cross sex hormones for kids, and its only goal is to sow chaos and destruction.
Trump, who is said to be monitoring the situation through a sophisticated network of spy satellites and other advanced technology, has been giving orders to the Proud Boys through their walkie-talkies. The orders are said to be coded, but our sources have managed to decode some of them. Recall Trump saying, "stand back and stand by," in the 2020 presidential debate.
One order allegedly reads: "Release the beast! Let it loose on those lefty snowflakes and show them what real power looks like!" Another order reportedly reads: "Destroy the fake news media and anyone who opposes me! The monster will be our weapon of choice!"
While this may all sound like a wild conspiracy theory, we have enough reason to believe that it is true. Our sources have provided us with recordings of the walkie-talkie conversations between the Proud Boys and Trump, as well as photos of the giant drooling monster in action.
It is a frightening thought that a former President could be using a group of extremists to unleash a monster on our society. But it is not too late to stop it. We call on the authorities to investigate this matter and take swift action to prevent any such attack from taking place. We also call on the Proud Boys to abandon this dangerous plan and instead worship the alter of puppy play at the next Pride march.
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